Its been nearly 2 months since the wedding.

2 months since i became a Mrs K.

2 months since i became a wife.

Well, 51 days to be exact.

After staying at my parents' for about 1 and half months, we've now moved in to my in-law's.

Its been a week since i was there.

And we'll be staying there for at least a month before moving back to my parents' place.

And this cycle will continue till we get ourselves a home.

Its been close to 2 weeks since lost a good friend. I have never failed to recite a prayer each and every day for her since the day she passed. That was how much she meant to me.

Yes, i have been quiet. It wasn't fair to my loved ones, when i was always suddenly quiet.

Coz i was shocked by her loss. All of us were, my family, our friends from BDS.

I didn't know the conversation we had weeks before my wedding was the last time i heard from her. That was the last time i heard her voice. I kept telling her that i wanted to come over to pass her my invation card personally at her home, but she insisted that i should just post it.

After much telling her how much i wanted to see her and her family, we agreed that i should come by her place the following week, after work, where i would call her home and if she's back from work, i'd drop by. When the day came and i called, her sister mentioned that she was not back form work. I left a message asking to return my call when she's back, but never did. Perhaps its the busy period. And i thought, okay, perhaps another day then.

But, days after, on my way to meet my Perthlings at Al-Majlis for dinner and also to pass them my invitation card, i bumped into her mother and 2 sisters while crossing the road. We stopped for awhile and had a small chat, and i thought i had brought the card with her name written on it in my bag. Apparently i didnt bring it with me and i told her mother that, i would definitely drop by tp give them my card. But, Cik Salmah said, "Alah, mana kad yg belum tulis nama tu boleh la.." So i gave them my card saying, "Cik, saya jemput cik & Nur sekeluarga tau dengan adik-adiknya semua", without even writing any names on it.

And i never called her again. I've been wanting to, but i never did.

Then, my wedding came. Her mother and younger sister, Inna and an aunt came by on Saturday night. She wasn't there coz Inna said she's not well and was down with slight fever. I never asked further.

I should have called her and asked how she was, but never did.

We went to Turkey for our honeymoon, and i always thought about her.I thought, maybe when we're back from Turkey, we'll drop by her for a visit place to share our wedding album.

I should have called and arrange for a visit, but never did.

Then while at work, i was happy to see her house number appearing on my handphone. the number that i've been wanting to dial, but never did.

I answered the call,but it was Inna's voice i heard.

And she broke me the sad, sad news. She was very calm. I know i wasn't. I didn't know what exactly happened. All i knew from that short conversation, my late friend was sick and she passed away in hospital.

After the call ended, i didn't know what to do. I continued doing my work, but couldn't focus. I knew i had to call someone, but i didn't know who. I decided to call my mum instead, and burst into tears when i told her that my friend passed away. My mum calmed me down over the phone and told me that we'd go over her house and visit her mother after i finished work.

It took me nearly an hour later before sending out a mass sms to my BDS friends. Apparently most of them knew about it already. I remembered feeling very sad that day. Coz i have alost a friend.

My family and i visited her house and there were lots of people, reciting prayers. They were having recital of Yasiin and a tahlil session. It was a sad situation. We met her mother and i cried again while hugging her. I cried while hugging her sisters. I cried while we recite the prayers.

I decided to take the time off the next day to come by her house again. i met some of our BDS friends and we went there together. As much as i was happy to be able to see my Secondary school friends, my sadness overwhelmed me. As much as i wanted to exchange pleasantries with them, i could only manage a sad smile.

I wanted so bad to see my late friend. Her house were full of guests offering her their prayers. We were standing along the corridor, it was impossible for me to pass through to get into her house.

While standing there, someone approached me. She recognised me, but i had no idea who she was. She recognised me as Zamani's wife. She's a friend of my husband, and Nur's childhood and Primary school friend. She was also standing alone, away from her group of friends. We exchange plesantries and she shared with me her memories with Nur during her younger days. I was grateful to have met her. Thank you Diana. She took my hand and we made our way into her house. There we were. There she was.

I finally made it to her house to see Nur.

But it was too late wasn't t. I visited her house only to see her for the last time. I could have kissed her, i should have kissed her, but i did not. i couldn't bring myself to.

I took a look at her certicate of death.

Cause of death: Diabetese and something foreign which i didn't understand.

I never knew. We never knew.

After her body was placed in the van for her final prayers session at Al-Ghufran mosque, i met her family members again and hugged them. That was all that could manage to do.

I hugged Inna and i felt deeply sad when she said to me, "Kak Linda, sekarang kalau ada apa-apa, Inna boleh telefon kak Linda kan, sebab Inna sekarang dah takde kakak lagi."

Sebak.

Of course she can call me.

Her younger sister is getting married this weekend.

It will not be the same. I just hope i will not cry when i see them at the wedding.

Al-Fatehah to Nurzlifah Ahmad.