Its not helping that my office space i.e. desk is fully cluttered with papers and files and more papers. I wanted to just tear them up/shred them away but, at the same time, am worried that i might need those in the days to come, coz i came across a line which goes something like 'Junk is what you feel you dun need and realise that it was something important 3 weeks after you've discard them'
Its not helping that i came home to a room with another cluttered table full of whatever yours, bags, papers, books you name it. And the 3/4 of the supposedly walking area in my room is full with more clothes and more bags and luggages in nearly each corner. I feel suffocated in my own room. I feel suffocated in my office. I feel suffoacated everywhere i go. I've been postponing to clean my room and wardrobe for ages now. I've been planning to clean it up before we left for Brisbane. I've got a whole pile of clothes waiting to be folded neatly and placed in my wardrobe, but, it seemed that i couldn't find the time or energy to do it. I'm out nearly everyday Mondays till Sundays from morning till night - EVERY single day and i'm really draining out. I'm really tired.
I hate myself now coz i feel that i couldn't keep up with you. Or her, or him or them. You/ her/ him/ them had always some kind of plans which i have to agree to follow with whether i want to or not. I have been telling myself i need to slow down, but i have been out of the house each and every single day, when sometimes, at times, all i wanted to do is just to come home straight and sleep. Sometimes all i wanted to do is just stay at home. But I can't slow down, can i?
I just can't say , no i dun wanna go out with you/i dun wanna meet you today coz i just dun feel like going out today, can i? Coz you/him/her/them will look at me with a sad, dissapointed face as if saying that i dun have/ dun want to spend time with them and that they are not important in my life.
I've said this once and i'm gonna say this again. Its always not easy to please everybody. And its never easy for me to please myself.
The slightest nonsensical, no meaning word/thing will make me cry.
I'm drained out, seriously. All i wanna do now is to do nothing.
